I went in excited by the fear that I may one day know too much. Dating a man like him wouldn't be an easy task and I never thought it to be. A woman like myself could never really run away from a challenge though. Something about smashing life's obstacles that always made me feel alive. I imagine that's the same rush that He, my love, experienced when he was living that life. Yes, he makes a living by what these authorities call "illegal" means. That was the foundation, but the enterprise itself had grown rapidly since his life as a teenager. He told me all of his stories so I know. And though most of my friends or even you may not agree, here we are baby.
He and I met at a party about four years ago. I didn't even want to be there, my friends had dragged me out of my cozy bedroom that evening. I noticed him from across the room, saw him first through the smoky air and thought "well damn!" He must've felt the vibes because he looked over, smiled and then approached me. I watched his long stride and noticed his goatee, tattooed arms and the chain shining around his neck. His stance was just like that of a God's. Prayers answered I thought. We just stared at each other for a while before speaking, like complete weirdos. We finally broke the ice when I laughed. We talked for a while and he made me laugh even more, hard. We had a few drinks, exchanged contact info, went out the next day and now we live together in New York. After about a year together, we bought a beach house in Miami and are currently looking at some property to acquire in New Orleans, per my request. I know it may seem like a lot, but Journey was living extravagantly when we met each other. I come from a family with money so, it wasn't even a large adjustment for me. I was just happy to have found a man on my level who didn't bitch about providing, catered to my needs and desires and understood that I would be a blessing and asset to his life.
Journey showed me where the stash houses were, how to "clean" the money through various businesses and basically how the whole operation ran. He said to me "I never get my hands dirty." And because he had already put in so much work in the streets, he assured me that I would always be protected; sitting up high on my throne like the regal Queen that I am. He made me feel very safe and secure from day one. From the dozens of roses he would send me daily to the extravagant parties and dates at the shooting range, I was more than equipped to handle myself or anyone else for that matter. The truth is though, I loved being a hustler's soft spot! The wounds and scars that were revealed to no one else, were reserved for me. I had been paying such close attention to the late night conversations, body language and movements that I know how his mind works now. I sometimes know when he's about to do something, before he does. I'm sure that my position in his life became more solidified following an incident that occurred around Christmas last year. We were at this Gala looking good in our all black ensembles and feeling great. I was enjoying champagne with some of the other wives of these powerful men and looked over my shoulder. As soon as I saw Journey talking to one of his confidantes, Monte, I had a vision of Journey killing him. My eyes widened and I excused myself to go to the bathroom. I knew that my gifts were real and my intuition always served me correctly!
On the drive home, I explained to Journey what I saw in my vision. "Trust my visions baby," I said to him, hoping not to offend him with this truth. He looked over at me from the driver seat and said "damn, all you did was confirm something that I have been wondering about." As it turns out, Monte was playing both sides, leaking information to one of Journey's enemies. He had been set up by a woman he was sexing and texting on the regular, and now he was being blackmailed and shit. How typical, a man in the streets getting caught up with some good pussy. Pillow-talking and all that; it seemed to work out the same way every time.
Monte and Journey were very close, and he saw and knew a lot but Journey was smarter than him. He never let anyone get as close as I did. I was the only person that Journey trusted, that was just the way I liked things. Like I said before, all of this was wanted. Within the next week, Journey handled what he needed to with Monte. The streets spoke a little but not too much because supposedly, that girl and her boyfriend got out of town after Monte popped up missing. No one has seen or heard from them either. Rumors of a fatal car accident circulated, but Journey told me he didn't know anything about that when I asked him about it. Of course, I'm not sure that's true. Despite my visions, I imagine that Journey didn't admit to certain things because he wanted to protect me in a sense. I don't bother him about it as much anymore. I learned that he shared what he deemed necessary with me, and I appreciate him for it. And if you're wondering, other women have never been a problem and never will be. He's my Soulmate, so the connection is elevated and he knows the Creator ordains our Union. He would never risk that. Me though? I'm a different story you see.
Remember about Monte? Yeah well things got even more serious with Journey and I after that. "Mind, Body and Soul baby" were his exact words as he explained to me that I was the woman made for him. It was right before Valentine's Day when he did it! He proposed for me to be his wife after three and a half years of dating. Of course I said "Yes!" All of my family was there at dinner and they had it all planned out. That big ass rock he put on my finger didn't hurt either. When I first laid eyes on it, it made my pussy tingle a little. Whew! Beyond that though, I had truly grown to love Journey, more than any other man in my life. He kept his word, he provided, he had a pure heart and I never had to question his intentions. Sometimes, the way he spoke to his associates made me cringe (because of his ruthless demeanor) but that all comes with this territory. Right? This was it, what we wanted...
Blissful moments of love-making ecstasy and orgasms from the astral. I could feel him in every crevice of my Soul. When Journey and I were apart, I would sometimes feel physical pains in my chest area. That was when he would call or send me messages telling me how much his heart felt for me. Why risk it all? But my life had changed drastically.
I met this man named Riante this past Spring. He started out as an associate of mine, as he runs a few of his own businesses up in Harlem. I figured it to be fate that we even met. Me and Journey usually stayed in Brooklyn but we had another loft in Manhattan. I mainly stay there when Journey is away on business trips, so I can shop and eat during the day. I crossed paths with Riante at a business gathering for Black Entrepreneurs I attended in Brooklyn though. I noticed him first, I thought, but didn't let it be known. It was nothing but a handsome man, who's energy was speaking volumes! Riante came and approached me towards the end of the function. I knew then that he was deeply interested in me, I set up boundaries though. As time went on, I called our exchanges "networking" instead of the obvious flirting that it actually was. I mean, we did exchange business ideas and spoke about economic development in our communities. However, how was I not to notice that this man was fine as hell with a crisp shape-up, firm and muscular body and a dick print that left me wondering? I was so happy at home with Journey though, right? I kept telling myself that and then promised myself that I wouldn't cross that line with Riante. I really tried to keep my distance, physically and spiritually. Sometimes, when Journey was out of town though, I would catch up with my friend. When we were together, I would catch him staring at me when he thought I wouldn't notice and he never hesitated to help me with anything including advice. We never talked about Journey, but he knew I was involved with him seriously. He said he respected that and I never asked about his relationship status. It didn't matter to me.
One night, Riante asked me out to an early dinner. As tempted as I was, I still declined. I know I should have told Journey about it too, but deep down, I think it was a secret that I wanted to keep.
A few months later was my birthday month. I had stopped seeing Riante so much and hadn't really replied to his messages. My man Journey was staying home more consistently and he took the time to plan my extravagant birthday party. He rented out this dope underground warehouse and designed it with bright lights and chandeliers, round tables with extravagant centerpieces, a full buffet, an ice bar, rose petals, African statues, a large stage with a live DJ and big ass speakers. I couldn't believe how he had transformed that place. My three sisters flew in from out of town and all of my cousins too. Journey invited most of my family and friends and most of his people as well. It was a star-studded event and flashes from pictures were non-stop! Drinks were flowing and the DJ was rocking, playing all of my faves. I was enjoying being the center of attention with my long and fitted birthday dress, with slits coming up both legs. My hair was pinned up, my lips were red and my breasts were sitting up high with my waist pulled tight. Most of the time, I was mingling and tingling. Journey had several eyes on me, I knew, but I managed to find a blind spot. I took a seat at the bar, away from the spotlight. I loved to peep everything around me. Seconds later, I heard his voice. Riante approached me from behind. "Happy Birthday, Beautiful," he said into my ear. My eyes widened at the same time that my heart stopped. I turned around and stood up to face him. He just stood there, biting his bottom lip and dripping so much more sex appeal than I had remembered. He smiled and handed me a bouquet of white and red roses. I swallowed the lump in my throat, knowing that sweat beads would begin to form on my forehead soon.
"Thank you, Riante," I managed to say. I took a deep breath. "Your party is a headline tonight baby. I heard about it on the gram and everyone is talking about it," Riante said to me. I smiled nervously and felt a bit relieved. I figured I could use that fact as an excuse, if need be. "Is that so," I said back to him. "I'm glad you could make it tonight love." I smiled and said to him. I was actually trying to play it cool. Riante scoffed a little and then eyed me up and down. He looked around and so did I - no one in sight but the bartender. He walked close enough for me to feel his breath on my neck. With a whisper, he said "I know your man is here, so I'll keep it respectful. But you in that fucking dress tonight..."
In a flash, I could see Riante's hands on me and his teeth pulling my clothes off. He was a wildly passionate lover with a divine dick print that I tried not to focus on. His cologne filled my nostrils, prompting my natural juices to flow. I saw him smiling, taking it all in and loving it. I sighed. "You have to go Riante," I said, looking away from him. He didn't even hesitate. "I know...I just needed to bring you those birthday flowers," he said. He grabbed my hand to kiss it and then winked at me. I saw him turn around and walk towards the exit. Finally, my heart started beating again. I knew then, it was me that Riante wanted.
I sat back down at the bar and gestured for the bartender to pour me some white wine. I looked over and saw Journey approaching me from the corner of my eye. Had he witnessed all that had just gone down? There was no way. I didn't think.
The word WANTED played again in my head, over and over...